Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lexih8severy1's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
5:36 pm	aw, hell... with you it's always a rollercoaster, isn't it. but i don't guess it matters anymore cause there is no us. *shrug* i've come to the conclusion that most boys are stupid...most especially irish ones named andy. so yes, done is done is done and you, sir, are DONE cause i've lost interest. everything else is going just great. i got three papers due in the next two weeks that i haven't started yet, and really should get a go on, but anyone who knows me in the least knows that that's not likely to happen until the night before or the morning that they're due. buuuut i don't care, least i have some books i'm working with...well, they're sitting in my room near my computer which is a start anyway...least they aren't in the library anymore. i miss everyone tons and i just wanted to let you all know i love you and can't wait to see you. comin' out to the boro hopefully sometime in july, but i'm still working on that. not sure yet. two weddings to go to out there, so hopefully i'll get there. i guess that's it. i haven't had a lot to say, ireland is beautiful and life is pretty much the same, school, rowing and all, just in a different country. :) hugs Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: Red Hot Chili Peppers (Comment on this)
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
10:20 pm	*grimace* well...lucky for you it was a joke, or not a joke, but it wasn't real...and you've fixed it, sorta. my emphasis on sorta. you still have some huge makings up to me and it best be good. as i'm sure it will be, at least i hope. but you gotta get over your shy chicken tendencies and get some guts boy, cause i'm getting tired of waiting around... my heart hurts... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
2:11 am	Hate...hate is such a strong emotion that i feel right now God damnit Andy you fucker! if this is a joke, you best believe it's not in the least bit funny! ugh! to set the record straight, i really really really hate you right now and you best be thinking of a damn good way to make this up to me, if in fact it is a joke. and if it isn't...i don't even want to think about it, but if it isn't, it's not going to be good. okay, i'm done. i just wanted to say that when the time calls to vent, having been royally pissed, fuckers are the ones that should pay, and damn if he won't! that's all i'm sayin. Current Mood: pissed off (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 5th, 2006
6:04 pm	Se La Vi...or something like that... I don't see what's wrong with getting horendously trashed at least once while in Ireland...when in ireland do as the irish, do, right? well...i came close enough to getting that messy...and let's just say, i think that sufficed...no need to do that again any time soon...but other than that, the night was grand. i finally got to go out on the water, seriously, and i think i was in withdrawl or something...it was heavenly and my hands got all torn up. today was a little weird cause i was in bow seat in a four...i'm never in bow...expecially in a four, but i guess i learned something new. by ass doesn't fit there too well...and we could hardly keep the boat set, which sucked, but it really wasn't all that bad. oh, aside fromt he piss rain that started coming down while we were out. i do, however miss being able to take long hot baths...i don't have a bath tub here...and the showers are really small...and the hot water doesn't last more than 10 minutes...*sigh* but at least i have hot water now, yeah? something cool though...apparently i've become a tattoo artist...cause i did/am doing the designs for three of my friends tattoos so far and maybe my own and another one to boot. it's been fun, expiamenting with celtic design and culture and whatever else they want. it's giving me something to do anyway. i guess that's about all i have to say other than i'm going to go and take a nap now because i can't think... (Comment on this)
Friday, February 24th, 2006
2:03 am	i'm not the kind to stoop low enought and belittle myself just to get attention...it's not my way...either by being drunk or dressing as a whore or anything like that, so before you get those fucking ideas in your head, stop and think...if that's beyond you, you're a waste of my time anyway. i'm not the type to lose control and i don't go for one night stands...my moral standards are a little higher than that. so i'm sorry if that's what you're looking for...and if it is...go find some other drunk girl who doesn't care. i'm too good for that. and to a different one...is it okay if i ask...who is it you're always writing about? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
12:26 pm	Reminders While the excitement of this trip is nearly overwhelming...i'm starting to get set into the monotonous part...the classes and working out...the set schedule that i always end up having because life gets so busy...but with that comes the times where i have nothing to do...so i sit in my room or take walks or runs, whatever i fancy at the time, and try to erase my mind of what is constantly plauging it. it's not so easy...it's never easy. i'm torn between worlds. most of you will say that's nothing new, i'm always a mixture of what is real and what is going on inside my head, but this time its completely different. the lifestyles here are so vastly different that it's like a parallel world. and then i get these thoughts and there i am again, back in this introspective pile of shit that i can't get myself out of, and the sad part is, i usually don't want to. i keep being faced with these things, these reminders of what i've left back home, or farther back, and i can't chase them away. and then i talk to you and i don't want to chase them away. i figured coming to ireland would give me the escape i needed to find out what i really wanted to do, where i really wanted to go...and i've realized i just want to run home to you... you try to hide who you really are on this tougher exterior, and it might work for some people, but i can see right through you...that's the problem. i find myself trying to read you...your thoughts, your words, whatever i can get a grasp on, and i end up getting lost everytime. so i go out...the noise of the pubs and the laughs i share with my friends are a good distraction...for a while. it never lasts too long. because i always come back to my room...and see that little word on the computer that always reminds me of you...and it's usually the last thing i see before i go to bed. DAMN YOU! i told you you were a plague...but if you left me...if you left me, totally absolved yourself of me...what would i do? i would think that that's what i want, but that would be a total lie to myself, because i'm pretty sure my heart would break...you're far enough away already...far too far by my way of thinking, but i can't get you any closer, so i'll deal with what we have right now. i'm not one for poetry, i'm not one for typical laments, i just say what i feel and hope that it gets the point across...it doesn't always work, but ever i keep trying. i hate to admit it...that someone can take over my own mind, but i can't seem to stop it. i'm sorry. i'm going to class and then the hurling match...so maybe that will be enough of a distraction for a while. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 13th, 2006
3:29 pm	Ireland...home again... Okay, so the trip over wasn't really so bad. the stop over in London was awesome. i got to see all the sights and wish i had all kinds of money to spend. the pictures turned out awesome, especially since i got this new camera, whooo hooooo! but yeah, so that was cool. but now that i'm in ireland, properly put up in my house with eight other kids, all is going well. classes started today and they way they do things is completely different than in the states, but that's to be expected, i suppose. it's a little more sporadic and less organized, but we have two weeks to set our timetables, so no worries there. the house mates are all pretty cool...wide range of nationalities...french, belgan, russian, irish, italian, and american, but we have fun. the best part is the pubs...now before you go off on a tangent about how much of an alcoholic i am, or could become, you're wrong. pubs here work much the same way as a coffee shop...kids just get together to hang out and have fun, drinking is sometimes involved, but not always. water and cokes are served just as often as beers, and they're much cheeper. drinking is an expensive past time. it's easy to go through 20 euros in a night on drinks and not even know it. all the girls keep asking me about the guys...well, since classes just started, i'm just starting to meet them, but i have met several already, some cute, some not so, but all extremely nice and laid back. the irish haven't a care, or so it seems, and that's what i love about it. i've gone out most of the nights i've been here. it's so easy to get caught up in the lifestyle here, but i am diligent in my studies, yeah right, and am dedicated to my sport, which i've checked out the boat house...awesome! i'm stoked about starting that up again...should be brilliant. i haven't updated this in forever, so i'm sure no one really keeps up with this anymore, but i figured now that i'm away from home and have a little more spare time on my hands since i won't be working, i'll be able to keep up with it a little more...that and i have my own computer and don't have to share with anyone, which helps a lot. i hate it when they sign you off without asking...but that's gone, soooooo hugs to all...i can't wait to see you guys when i get back. loves cheers Current Mood: content Current Music: Less Than Jake (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 30th, 2005
11:03 pm	shhh...don't tell *whispers* i miss him...i miss him so much (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
10:24 pm	it aches so much... i think about him all the time...couldn't really think about much else today...not after the conversation in the car anyway... it doesn't get any easier, i realize...with the distance we've put between us...he doesn't try much anymore, not that he ever really did...but i trick myself into believing it's because it hurts him as much as it hurts me...i don't really know if that's true or not, but i like to think so. these sweet illusions we give ourselves to make the pain a little less painful...just for the record, it's not working so well. i think it's hard because now, when he does spare the time to talk to me, it's about a sport i can't play anymore which kills me more and more every day, (the injury is increasingly getting worse and the pain is faring much the same) and he talks to me about girls. that hurts the most, i think. well, no, that's not true...it hurts the most when he says things like "i can't tell you how much i wish you were here right now," and then continues on with the "oh well, you're not...so there's this girl..." if i were there i would hit him then cry. but since i'm not there...i pretty much cry. and i can't tell him, or won't tell him, or i'm afraid to tell him anything of what i feel. i thought he already knew...maybe he does and maybe he doesn't. but like i said, it's the sweet illusions we build for ourselves that keep us going. And this illusion is one of my favorites. i'm not going to say that i love him, because i don't really know what that is with respect to him, or to a lot of others. i'm not willing to give up what i have here and start all over...but if he asked me to, i can't say that i wouldn't consider it before hopefully saying no. but damned if i don't like him a whole helluva lot. and i can't seem to make it go away. i don't want it to go away. the pain he brings has almost turned into a comfort. how sad is that. but don't pity me...i wouldn't give it up for the world...and maybe that is love, i don't know, but i definitely wouldn't tell him that for fear of scaring him away. but like i said...i don't think it's love. but i miss him...and i like him...and i crave him...and he makes me cry...and i like it all the same would i give it all up to run with him again? well, my knee says no, cause if i run i'll be in a lot of pain...and i feel kinda like my heart will say the same thing, save that if i said yes...who knows Current Mood: lonely Current Music: The silence is deafening (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
12:43 am	it's been far too long, and i know that. i've been trying to steer myself away from updating this only when i'm sad and depressed, so i haven't updated in a while. i'm getting worn down...burning the candle at both ends, i think they say...and just being so busy that i have no time to myself or to relax or to do anything. it's always work and school and crew and sleep...and some of those haven't been going so well as i should like. i don't think i'll ever stop wondering what would have happened if i had never transfered back to california, if i had stayed and stuck it out in tennessee...at least i would be graduating this year...but then again, i probably wouldn't be going to south africa, ireland, or england either...but a lot of other things would have happened...and maybe they would have been worth more...i guess i'll never know. not knowing blows. i'm not going to lie...it's been disheartening these past weeks, and i miss a lot of people...a lot of people more than i have the words or capacity...or sometimes courage...to tell them. *sigh* i miss you and i love you and i just thought that you should know that i think about you all the time. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 6th, 2005
3:17 pm	it's been hard lately, to explain what life's been like for the past couple months...complex, confusing, i don't even know what's going on anymore. an emotional rollercoaster that i have absolutely no control over and i feel like my creative juices are running dry...i never have anything to say anymore... *sigh* i was going to attempt to get all poetic and write something interesting and profound, but i can't i'm not in the mood (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 29th, 2005
9:24 pm	i need you... i just wanted someone to talk to...i didn't know you were so busy...i'm sorry... (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
8:07 pm	well...as opposed to copy, pasting, sending out to too many people who would most likely delete it before reading it, i figured i would just go ahead and do it here so that you can read it cause i'm just plain bored...if you hadn't noticed. feel free to email it to me it you want, since technically that's what you're supposed to do... so here's a little about me... 1. What color are your kitchen plates? well...they're not really mine, but the ones i use are white with a green ring around the edge...green :) yay 2. What are you reading now? um...four books...i just finished harry potter, sullivan's sting, sweet revenge, and redemption of althalus(again) :) *shrug* so what, i like to read... 3. What is on your mouse pad? a fly? 4. Favorite board game? um...i don't really do the board game thing, i'm much more of a cards type of girl 5. Least favorite smell(s)? wow...um, b.o. is pretty bad, yeah, and i'm getting really tired of the smell of coffee *sigh* 6. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? ugh! 7. Favorite color(s): i really really really like green, forest green, and gray...saddish, but i like bright and happy colors too...sunsets, with the gold and purple and blues and wow...but green and gray are faves! 8. Least favorite color(s): hot pink and olive green, or baby puke yellow! 9. How many rings until you answer the phone? um...two usually, or as fast as i can get there, voicemail after four... 10. Future child's name? hahahaha...um Keely, Patrick, Isaac, there was one more, but i can't think of it... 11. Chocolate or vanilla? lessee...i'm thinkin chocolate 12. Do you like to drive fast? hahahahaha...ooooooh yeah! 13. Color of your bed sheets? green and gray :) 14. Thunderstorms...? OMG! yes! i love the sounds of thunder and rain, and nothing fascinates me more than watching lightning hit the ground...it's so calming and beautiful and i can't even describe how it makes me feel... 15. Greatest Accomplishment(s): staying in school even though i've wanted to quit...and i have a friend that told me i saved her life...i can't think of anything that meant more to me or is any greater feeling/accomplishment than that... 16. Do you eat the stem of broccoli? yup, ah do 17. Do you think you will get this back? don't care, really 18. If you could have any hair color, what would it be? well...my hair is dark auburn...and i really like it, so i guess, auburn 19. Is the glass half full or half empty? depends...sometimes full, sometimes empty...depending on the mood 20. Favorite movie(s): Newsies, Harry Potters, Guys and Dolls, Undercover Blues...there's a lot, but those are prolly the top ones 21. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? yup...and fast :) 22. What's under your bed? hahahahaha...i fear to look, but prolly some random papers, maybe some stray socks, fuzzies, *shrug* monsters... 23. What is your favorite number? i have three...3, 10, 26 24. Favorite sport to watch? soccer 25. Your single biggest fear? um...being single my entire life! 26. Person most likely to respond: Dana...since she already did 27. Person least likely to respond: Me, but here i am 28. Ketchup or mustard? um...ketchup on hamburgers, mustard on hot dogs 29. Hamburger or hot dog? yummies...burgers 30. Favorite alcoholic drink? hahahaha...wow...that's a hard one...you give me one and i'll drink it, most likely, but most common is spiced rum and cherry coke... 31. Best places you have been to ? Home, Spain, Morocco, St. Mary's, Briones Resivoir 32. What wallpaper is on your computer right now? Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! it's awesome, has harry ron and hermione in black with a antique paperish looking backdrop. i likes it a lot 33 Favorite fast food? Chipottle or Nations or In and Out 34. Color of your eyes? Mostly green, but sometimes bluish, brown with yellow...depends on my mood, cause my eyes change color, for real...it's neat. 35. What is your birth name? Alexis Kathleen Billo Yay! all done, mostly stuffs you've already known, but hey, it gave me something to do, so i did it. have funs responding if you want or not, i don't really care. :) (Comment on this)
Friday, July 8th, 2005
12:46 am	O! how i wish i could disappear... god, sometimes life really sucks. not that i don't appreciate it, but still... i wish i had the words to describe the way i'm feeling right now, or the courage to tell someone, but that's hardly gonna come any time soon...anyone who knows me will affirm that. it just never gets any easier. the drama overcoming my household it getting unbearable and the living conditions overly crowded. living with my uncle rocks...uncle having to save his loser son and pregnant girlfriend by letting them stay in the house rent free with all their shit issues doesn't. i feel bad knowing that they're in a tough jam and me just wishing they would get the hell out...i do feel bad thinking that, but sometimes i get so annoyed with everything i just want to scream. selfishness doesn't really suit me, but i can't seem to get away from it this time. selfish thoughts have me reeling...and starving...and dying...and near crying. why do i do this to myself? i'm bring it all on me, i know i am, and i want it to stop, and then sometimes i don't. he and i are so perfect...or so i think, i don't rightly know what he thinks, we don't really talk about it...and i don't have the courage to breech the subject...some things are just better left unsaid...but god, i wish he was here, with me, and that's a selfish thought. cause that would mean near me and away from all that he knows, and that's just unfair...but i can't help it. he's so far away...too far away...and my heart hurts every time i talk to him. but he's my drug...i'm addicted to him, and i wish i could have more. every time i talk to him, it's a high, and when i come down, when he leaves, it depresses me more than i care to admit...but i can't afford more...emotionally. and i don't think he knows what he does to me...as a point, i'm sure he doesn't know, he can't...and if he sees this he should know...he makes me want to cry every time i talk to him, reach out and grab him and keep him near me...and now he'll go run away and never talk to me again. why so far? *sigh* invisible... i blame myself, but i told you that already. something must be wrong with me...when the two magnets get close, you can feel the tension of them trying to get together, but never succeeding...the force against them is too strong and they'll never connect, it's just not possible. chemistry, physics, fate, whatever, it doesn't matter... i'm confused, hurt, sad and a whole plethera of emotions i wish i could rip out of me and stomp on. but i put on a happy face, cause i'm good at that...good at making you think everything is always going fine, and life couldn't be better...that's what you like to see...all of you, i know it. and that's fine, cause maybe you seeing me happy will make you happy that will make me happy...or maybe i just need to get my life in gear and get the fuck over it...the last being the more likely of the two. *sigh* but for now i'll deal with the monotany of daily life...i'll lock myself in my room and immerse myself in my books, my escape, my fantasy...i'll workout till i hit extreme exhaustion in hopes that i'll be too tired to think...and i'll smile at work and project content... but hey...this mood will pass...it always does Current Mood: lost Current Music: silence... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
10:08 pm	it's been a while... well...the trip to tennessee was great. sad to leave and i didn't get to see all the people i wanted to, but i did the best i could. goin out and having a good time was what i really wanted to do, and i did get to do that...the break from summer training for crew was really nice too. went to the rents' house for father's day, with my sister. that was fun. played pinochle until all hours of the night...we're a big card playin family. the game was sad tho...we went set so many times we decided that whomever got to zero first won...it's a sad day when that happens...me an mom won :) start work tomorrow at starbucks and continuing summer training lifting weights and erging until my body decides to break...it'll happen eventually, i'm convinced... lots of drama at my house...none of which has anything to do with me, but they continue to feel the need to drag me into to it...that's annoying...but then again, life is like that sometimes. the cousin's fiance left to repair ties with her family and go to school and stuff...and the cousin ran off with another girl...there's a ton more to it than that, but that's the gist...whoo hoo for the fone bill now, which was the highest i've ever seen it. makes me glad i don't have to pay for it... um...saw this on my friends journal and thought it was pretty cool...figured a job like this would come in handy *wink* i could just get rid of all the drama myself. man...least life would be quasi normal again...or as normal as anything gets around me, but hey...life is at least interesting...and if nothing else, the picture is cool... You are an assassin. That means you are a proffessional and do your job without mixing any emotions in it. In your life you have probably been hurt many times and have gotten some mental scars. This results in you being distant from people. Though many think that you are evil, you are not. What you really are is a person, trying to forget your pain and past. You are the person who never seems to care and that is why being an assassin fits you good. Atleast, that's what people think. Even if you don't care that much for your victims, you still have the ability to care and to generally feel. It is not lost, just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to not get to noticed, and dress in black or other discrete colours. You don't being in the spotlight and wish people would just leave you alone. But once you do get close to someone you have a hard time letting go and get real down if you loose him/her. Main weapon: Sniper Quote: "The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy" -Jim Rohn Facial expression: Narrowed eyes What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures] brought to you by Quizilla i have another couple stories i'm looking to post on here...in the next couple days anyway, so let me know if you like them or if they suck balls or whatever... miss you all like tons of chocolate...if you can miss tons of chocolate, which i do cause i have none... hugs and loves Current Mood: okay Current Music: Green Day (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
2:17 am	*sniffles* it's odd...i kinda pride myself on being the composed, not wussy, generally level headed girl that i am. but i knew this would happen. it's been a while, over a month since my last update. i did in fact pass all of my classes, won a gold medal in my last race of the season, and successfully planned and executed my trip to tennessee...the plan was to get there, not what to do once i was there, especially with no car, buuut i let things work themselves out when i got here. i leave for back home in less than two days and i know that my composure will either come extremely close to or will crack...which sucks, cause i hate losing control. i just realize the friends i've left behind since moving and how seeing them effects me. i don't really have any friends like them back home. it was really nice to see them. i mean, i talk to them, but we all know that's never really the same thing. had life been the slightest bit different, i can assure you i never would have left tennessee, but it wasn't different, so i did leave. sometimes i wish i hadn't, but that's nothing you've never heard before. it was fun staying out till the wee hours of the morning tho...doing all of nothing but drinking and wasting time. that's what life is tho, really...just the simple passing of time...maybe not a waste, but that all depends on how you look at it. i did have a great time at the pool hall...didn't get home till five...really dude...you should transfer out to california and go to graduate school here...more opportunities, and then there's me. *grins* not that you would really leave, but a girl can dream, can't she... tomorrow will prove to be one of those trying days...everyone around all at once, let's go out and do something...hopefully we'll have a little time to chill just me an you before then...if you want to, that is... the evening should be eventful tho...fun fun fun till her daddy took the t bird away... anyway, my eyes are tired and my nose hurts, so if i don't talk to you tomorrow, i'll see you when i get home. don't forget me...i've proven that i always come back...now it's your turn... don't forget...me... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
10:22 am	*grins* welp...nearly ten days since my last lame update, but hey, i've been busy. It's coming up on the weekend of our biggest race...it's next weekend, the 29-31, so wish me luck. practice has been hard...physically as well as mentally trying, but we're doing well. i think we have a pretty good boat and have a descent shot, so that's exciting. school is going...it's scary how it's flown by...i mean, i felt like i just had midterms and teachers are already talking about final papers and exams and aaaahhhh...but hey, it's almost done. still having issues with my history teacher who finds it suitable to give me a d in the class...vexing, but so is life, so i'm learning to deal. i already went to her office to talk to her about it and basically said that her standard of grading sucks and she should learn to teach, but i said it very diplomatically, so it wasn't that bold and she didn't yell at me for it. i still think that she hates me though. i'm stoked...less than two weeks till my 21st...and plans have already been made to go to the city (san francisco) and do who knows what...but i know i'm drinking...a lot...and it's a damn good thing i don't have class on thursday morning, cause i don't think i'd make it. i'm in the process of planning my trip to tennessee, which is going slowly. mom's not really down for the whole idea, she says i have no money...which is sort of true, but i can come by it honestly and work all summer paying it back if i have to, but i really want to go, so i'm pretty sure i'm going. so look for me, i'll be there. and i'm going to wrap this up now, since my life is boring and basically consists of the same thing every day...class...homework...crew...food...and sleep. sad but true. and sometimes crew comes before class...and damn that's early. anyway...i had a class cancelled, so i'm killing that time, and as my next class starts in like ten minutes, i'm going to go. hugs to all and i miss you tons. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 15th, 2005
9:39 pm	Musings... i don't know why...but hey, i never know what's going to come out of this head...maybe that's a flaw, but admit it...it keeps you on your toes and you never know how to act around me cause i'm crazy and spontaneous and just so awesome... anyway...on with the show... So Muse Someday, I think, maybe I'll write a memoir. It'll be a story of a girl who grows up to be somebody, instead of just a theory of a person, an idea, an image, an assumption. They'll know then, that I am real. The memoir will chronicle my life as I have lived it, and it will be interesting and funny and profound, and even if it isn't any of those things, it will be a best seller. How could it not be? It will have thirty seven chapters and four hundred pages, and never once will I mention what it's like to be me. The first sentence will be brilliant and insightful and quoted for years to come. People will read it and think they know me, but they will be wrong. Or maybe I won't write one after all Instead, I'll try my hand at fiction, or songwriting, or painting, or drawing, or abstract-surrealist-avant-garde performance art. Restlessly, I shift beneath the heavy layer of blankets. Next to me, he sleeps, his breathing deep and even. The curtains are open the slightest bit, and the candle on the night stand is letting in dull, flickering light. Shadows flutter weakly over his skin, dusting him with gold and starlight. One by one, I try out adjectives: ethereal, angelic, beautiful, perfect. None of them really fit, or I guess it could be that all of them do; I've never been all that good with words anyway. He stirs and awakens. The blanket slips down, baring one pale shoulder. "What?" he asks. "I think you're my muse," I tell him with a smile. A look. "Go to sleep," he says and rolls over. Maybe I'll take up photography. It's a happy dellusion, anyway. I try hard not to dwell too much on not having "mr. right" or anything near. i come up with excuses like...i'm too busy with school and crew that i don't really have the time to treat a guy right anyway. but damn...that's just what they are, right? excuses... after talking to one of my best friends, who i miss terribly. it's hard sometimes, tho he's thinking about moving out here...which would be awesome! and i just miss everyone. i thought about putting all of my crew stuff up here, but i don't know that too many would understand it...that and it always seems to repetitive and trivial...but we do have WCC Champs coming up in two weeks, so that should be exciting. family is great...dan is still in new zealand...bryony is still with danny and working at the country club...mom and dad are remodeling the house with help from my uncles...which is going good...and i'm still suffering through school and trying to find some meaning to my menial life. and life goes on... i guess that's all really...happiness to all...miss you, or have never met you :) hugs and loves la'ers (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
1:28 pm	Boredom well...i was crusin through some other blogs and stuffs and came across this. it looked like fun. :) Have I ever... ( ) snuck out of the house (never had to, mom pretty much let me go where i wanted) (X) gotten lost in your city (X) saw a shooting star (X) been to any other countries besides yours (x) had a serious surgery (X) gone out in public in your pajamas ( ) kissed a stranger ( ) hugged a stranger (not really, but strangers have hugged me) (X) been in a fist fight ( ) been arrested (X) had alcohol (X) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose (X) pushed all the buttons on an elevator ( ) made out in an elevator (x) swore at your parents (x) kicked a guy where it hurts, ( ) been in love ( ) been close to love (x) been to a casino ( ) been skydiving ( ) broken a bone (X) been high ( ) skinny-dipped (X) skipped school ( ) flashed someone (X) saw a therapist (X) done the splits (X) played spin the bottle (X) gotten stitches ( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour ( ) bitten someone ( ) been to Niagara Falls (X) gotten the chicken pox ( ) kissed a member of the same sex ( ) crashed into a friend's car ( ) been to Japan (X) ridden in a taxi (X) shoplifted ( ) been fired ( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex (X) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back (X) stole something from your job ( ) gone on a blind date (X) lied to a friend ( ) had a crush on a teacher ( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans (X) been to Europe ( ) slept with a co-worker ( ) been married ( ) gotten divorced ( ) had children (X) saw someone die (X) Been to Africa (X) Driven over 400 miles in one day ( ) Been to Canada ( ) Been to Mexico (X) Been on a plane (X) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show ( ) Thrown up in a bar (X) Eaten Sushi (X) Been snowboarding ( ) Been Skiing ( ) Met someone in person from the internet (X) Been moshing at a rock show (X) Been to a moto cross show ( ) lost a child (X) gone to college ( ) graduated college (X) done hard drugs (X) tried hurting yourself (X) taken painkillers ( ) had someone cheat on you (X) love someone or miss someone right now (more the miss than the love) ( ) had a crush on someone you shouldn't ( ) own a ipod (X) own a mp3 player (X) fancy someone on your AIM Buddy list ( ) have shaved your head and glued all the hair to your bum i dunno...i thought it would be fun...i'm sure there are some things in there that you didn't know... (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 9th, 2005
11:46 pm	sometimes... what can i say? i haven't been myself as of late. i don't know why, and i don't know what it is, but it's definitely wearing me down... (Comment on this)